Sugar. Some have said it’s more addictive than cocaine. I once said “Owwwww” after I snorted pixy stick off an unclean desk in 7th grade. Super proud of that moment. In case you’re wondering if I pulled an Uma Thurman in the last act of Pulp Fiction on a thin, cheap carpet underneath desks adorned with gum and unrequited love graffiti during my scholastic endeavors concerning my septemgeminus season…
You’d be wrong. So sugar, in all of it’s intangible and 2nd Timothy; chapter 3; verse 13 glory, isn’t inspiring a solid gold, Hollywood remake of Reefer Madness and that’s disappointing. But I’m sure most of 1936 (when Reefer Madness was made) was pretty disappointing itself if you think about it in historical context…you know…with that thing called THE GREAT DEPRESSION.
You can literally watch the whole movie if you haven’t seen it. It’s rather fatuous. Undeterred by it’s silly nature, the film is a representation of most knee jerk reactions humans, as a whole, have to conceptual realizations concerning substances they may or may not imbibe. And if imbibing said substance may or may not be good for them. Ah yes…the ol’ establishment telling you to “Do as I say, and not as I do” trope. It’s somewhat similar to an elected official telling you they “didn’t inhale.” You can almost picture the air quotes, can’t you? Don’t know if James Madison used said gesture to particular sarcastic effect as most did/do, but many urban legends point to the U.S. Constitution being written on hemp. One could almost speculate the Ol’ Constitutional Convention was blowin’ dank the whole time they were writing things like a bill of rights up? I do say ALMOST. Which is important.
Substances and the end result of their use are a rather large part of the chronicle of human history. Sugar, I believe, has a quite a few chapters in that specific memoir. My favorite is the one about the 1970’s, and how it all started with baby formula. If you’re in for a penny, out for a penny…the TL;DR version goes…Dieting became an immensely marketable thing in the 1970’s, and FAT was the main driver for weight gain. Companies noticed this, began taking fat out of their product to appeal to a fast growing demographic of people who suddenly cared about what they put in their bodies. Fat, however, is tasty. When you take fat out of things, they become as appealing to eat as a steak made from shoe leather. So…to make products taste good, said companies FLAVOR BLASTED those products with sugar.
A lot of sugar. Some salt too, but mostly sugar. Picture yourself as an impressionable co-ed, hitting your first greek life party, wanting to experience how fun college life can be, and these companies are frat bozo’s with a super soaker full of sugar and bad intentions, and they want you to enter into a wet t-shirt contest. Recipe for disaster.
We do enjoy us some doughnut cocaine, some carney crack, some white gold, etc. etc. The sugar industry in the States is worth about $56.9 BILLION. With a b, which will tell ya something. I enjoy it most on a holiday known as Halloween. How about you?
However, with the last 2/3 years of existence being what they were, this Halloween could be different. Not different in the vein of, say, there being an unholy pumpkin demon who feasted on souls of sugar-spun kids…
https://youtu.be/Y30_iB3vAUg
Samhain…what a dude. Different in the way that could mean you don’t have as much candy, i.e. none, as you had in past years. The pandemic forced many decisions that may have been shortsighted, applied to both huge corporation and small individual. One such decision was Hershey’s to stock more candy in store aisles on regular basis, versus a seasonal one. The whole muckbang gone wrong can be read about numerous places, but here’s where I got my info.
https://www.elitedaily.com/news/is-there-halloween-candy-shortage-2022-hersheys
Increased demand and less to go around reminds you of a toilet paper fiasco just a year or two old, yeah? I’ve never knifed a granny for butt wipe, but would I for a Reeses? We’ll find out soon enough. Til then, good luck. This is your brain. And this is your brain on sugar.
Might be one of those Halloween’s where you get one of those Jack-O-Lantern erasers that you wish was candy, so you eat it anyways.
Yikes.
-Max
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