While talking on the phone with my dad last night I mentioned that I saw the latest Spider-Man movie, “Spider-Man: Far From Home” with my roommate at the theatre. Now I don’t know if it was the copious amounts of medication he takes, the booze, or his age, but when I mentioned this, my father asked, “that’s the one with Tobey Maguire right?” Never have I facepalmed so hard, I think I bruised my eye. So for those that don’t know, now you will know, what the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is all about.
***SPOILERS AHEAD***
Iron Man (2008): Tony Stark gets kidnapped, builds weapon to escape, turns weapon into Iron Man Suit, saves the day.
The Incredible Hulk (2008): Bruce Banner played by Edward Norton experiments with WW2 Super Soldier serum and radiation, turns into enormous green rage monster. Other guy experiments with same serum and radiation, turns into abomination, Hulk beats abomination, saves the day.
Iron Man 2 (2010): Iron Man saves the day again. Starts to get serious about Nick Fury’s “Avenger’s” Initiative.
Thor (2011): Thor loses his powers, gets banished to earth, meets Jane, fights with his brother Loki, eventually saves the day.
Captain America ‘The First Avenger’ (2011): Scrawny Steve Rogers is recruited for a super soldier program, becomes big and strong, fights Nazi science group “Hydra,” led by the Red Skull, thinks his friend Bucky died, crashes into ice, freezes, wakes up decades later in the care of Nick Fury, becomes Avenger.
The Avengers (2012): Thor’s brother Loki has one of the six infinity stones the “Mind Stone” which he uses to brainwash people, is trying to get another infinity stone “Space Stone.” Then he gets a space army, invades New York. Nick Fury’s “Avenger Initiative” is put to the test when he and his group SHIELD group Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, as well as spies and SHIELD Agents Hawkeye and Black Widow. Big fight, everyone saves the day. Turns out the mind stone was given to Loki by the villain Thanos, he’ll be back later. Also Bruce Banner/Hulk is now played by Mark Ruffalo.
Iron Man 3 (2013): Tony Stark is traumatized from almost dying in “The Avengers” saves the day again.
Thor ‘The Dark World’ (2013): Thor saves the day again, also we’re introduced to the “Reality Stone.”
Captain America ‘The Winter Soldier’ (2014): Yeah, so turns out Captain America’s friend Bucky Barnes is not only alive, but was also frozen and came back to life, except he got taken in for a bad guy super soldier program, and now he’s been brainwashed by Nazi’s and becomes the Winter Soldier. Oh and SHIELD has been compromised by the Nazi group “Hydra.” So that’s fun.
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014): A half human half planet Star Lord, an assassin Gamora (daughter of Thanos), a talking racoon Rocket, a kinda talking tree Groot, a blue-ish red-ish alien killer Drax, team up, save the day with the power of friendship and a dance off in space, also we’re introduced to the “Power Stone.”
Avengers ‘Age of Ultron’ (2015): Tony Stark makes the robot Ultron thinking he’ll protect earth, oops he’s evil now. Tony makes another robot but this time he’s good, and he has the mind stone in his head, Vision. Avengers team up, beat Ultron and save the day, but also kinda destroy a little European town called Sokovia. Also Hulk flies off into space. Also Thanos says “fine I’ll do it myself” presumably to get the infinity stones and destroy the universe.
Ant-Man (2015): Hank Pym creates Pym particles which enable shrinking and growing rapidly from sub-atomic levels to Skyscraper size. Pym’s business rival tries to weaponize the tech, Pym recruits released convict Scott Lang to steal the tech back, Scott Lang becomes Ant-Man, saves the day.
Captain America ‘Civil War’ (2016): After the Avengers kinda destroyed Sakovia, the government wants to regulate super heroes. Iron Man agrees, Captain America disagrees. They each recruit other super heroes, they fight it out, turns out they were being brainwashed, but Iron Man still hates Captain America because Captain America’s friend Bucky murdered Tony’s parents when Bucky was himself brainwashed. Also the UN gets bombed by the guy who brainwashed the Avengers into fighting each other, and kills the king of Wakanda.
Doctor Strange (2016): Brilliant surgeon Dr. Steven Strange gets in a car wreck, loses his ability to perform surgery, seeks eastern medicine, meets up with The Ancient One, learns Wizardry, fights the villain Doramamu with the “Time Stone” becomes a master of the mystic arts, saves the day.
Guardians of the Galaxy ‘Vol. 2’ (2017): Like Guardians 1 but with WAAYYYY more daddy issues.
Spider-Man ‘Homecoming’ (2017): Peter Parker after joining team Iron Man in ‘Civil War’ returns to his home of Queens, New York, wants to go to Homecoming at his high school except oops his girlfriend’s dad is the villain he’s also been after. He has a new suit given to him by Tony Stark, but loses it cause he screws up, but eventually saves the day again and declines an offer to be an Avenger.
Thor ‘Ragnarok’ (2017): Thor is back on his home of Asgard, turns out his brother Loki is alive, even though everyone thought he was dead, (this isn’t the first time this has happened). Thor finds out where his father Odin is, Odin dies which allows Thor’s evil Sister Hella to return. Thor and Loki end up floating through space and land on a trash planet. Thor finds out Hulk is also on this planet and have a gladiators style fight. They along with an Asgardian named Valkyrie fly back to Asgard, let Asgard be destroyed to defeat Hella, evacuate Asgard and end up on a spaceship… in space.
Black Panther (2018): The king of Wakanda got killed in ‘Civil War’ so now his son Prince T’Challa fights a ceremonial fight for the honor of the throne. Meanwhile T’Challa’s long lost cousin Killmonger is evil and wants revenge cause it turns out T’Challa’s dad murdered his own brother and left his nephew Killmonger alone in Oakland. Wakanda by the way is secluded and sits atop a rare metal called Vibranium which does everything and anything. Killmonger fights for the throne, wins, T’Challa is frozen in a coma, wakes up, fights Killmonger again, wins, but it still sucks cause he’s family.
Avengers ‘Infinity War (2018): Thanos is on a quest for all the infinity stones so he can kill half of all life in the universe. He gets the power stone, kills Loki on the Asgard refugee ship and gets the space stone. Then gets the reality stone from a guy called “the collector,” then he kills his daughter Gamora to get the “Soul Stone.” Then Doctor Strange gives Thanos the time stone so that Thanos doesn’t kill Tony Stark. Then he gets the mind stone by killing Vision. And then he snaps his fingers, half of all life disappears, pretty much everyone you love dies, and no one saves the day.
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018): Scott Lang is under house arrest because he was Team Cap in ‘Civil War.’ Lang is once again recruited by Hank Pym because they think they can rescue Pym’s wife and Wasp’s mom from a place called the “Quantam Realm” which is a place where time works differently cause its so small. Someone named “ghost” tries to stop them but also is trying to stop glitch-ing, Ant-Man and the Wasp rescue Mrs. Pym, then Ant-Man goes back into the quantam realm to get the stuff to help ghost, but the Pym’s all get snapped away by Thanos while Scott is still in the quantam realm.
Captain Marvel (2019): It’s the 90’s, Carol Danvers aka Veers, aka Captain Marvel is trying to remember who she is, and she’s super powerful. She’s part of the Kree aliens, kinda, she ends up on earth after a mission against the Skrulls ends poorly. Nick Fury finds her, she says the Skrulls are invading, except turns out the Skrulls are just looking for a new home cause the Kree are the bad guys. Carol doesn’t want to be a bad guy, she also regains her memory, realizes she got her powers while in the Air Force from a secret experiment to get the skrulls a new home. Leaves a pager for Fury in case of emergency, Fury uses said pager at the end of ‘Endgame’ before turning to dust, Captain Marvel returns to earth asking ‘where’s Fury?”
Avengers ‘Endgame’ (2019): Everyone’s sad cause pretty much everyone died at the hands of Thanos. Tony Stark is lost in space but then gets rescued by Captain Marvel but still hates Captain America. The remaining Avengers find where Thanos is, and go to get the stones and reverse what he’s done, except oops Thanos destroyed the stones, so Thor takes an axe and kills Thanos. 5 years later everyone is still sad, Thor is fat, Bruce Banner merged with the Hulk so now he’s Professor Hulk. Scott Lang comes back from the quantam realm after a mouse hits the button on his machine. He tells the Avengers they can fix what Thanos did if they use the quantam realm to go back in time to get all the stones. Tony Stark comes up with a time travel GPS, makes amends with Captain America, they go on a time heist, get the stones but not without sacrificing Black Widow. They put the stones together, Hulk takes the stones, snaps his fingers to bring everyone back. But Thanos from the past realizes what they’re up to, time travels himself and comes to earth at the same time the Avengers just fixed everything. Biggest fight ever occurs, Tony Stark gets the stones, snaps his fingers to stop Thanos, sacrificing himself. Everyone saves the day, but Iron Man is dead, and we’re still kinda sad about it.
Spider-Man ‘Far From Home’ (2019): Spider-Man is sad from Tony Stark dying. So he and his classmates go on a trip to Europe to relax. Except oops Spider-Man needs to be a hero again cause the Elementals are attacking. But a new hero named Mysterio steps in and saves earth from the Elementals, and Spider-Man decides the world would be better in Mysterio’s care than his. Except oops, Mysterio is evil, and the Elementals were fake, and he’s only doing this to get revenge on Tony Stark cause he was fired by him years ago. But Spider-Man saves the day and his classmates, gets the girl, but turns out Mysterio had a backup plan should his evil plan fail, and he outed Peter Parker as Spider-Man to the world. Oops.
And that’s what you missed on “MCU”
